Where to begin?

I posted last on Tuesday.... Wednesday things went off the rails.

It got a bit crazy at work, I maybe skipped a few meals and went straight from 12hr workdays to 2hrs at the gym, barely getting more than 4 hrs sleep. I was a bit distracted, tired, confused, sluggish. I was told to eat several times by my boss and ignored him all times.

Thursday all hell broke lose. We had more trucks, more things happening, construction workers and tradesmen running all over the place, stock piled up, staff asking millions of questions etc. I kept being told to go eat, then to go home but as I argued, I was in the middle of soemthing. By the time I was told to go home, I could drive home and back with a full 30 min at home... not going to. So I stayed and got bitched at some more. At the end of the night was talked (my boss and I) through email and he basically told me to get my shit together, and if he didn't see improvement there would be consequences.

I spent half an hour in my car bawling before coming upstairs.

On Friday we talked, outside, just the two of us. He told me he called my HR manager, that he's worried about me doing things like driving, working etc. Giving my keys out and then losing them was freaking him out as it's not like me and a sign that I need food. He's not going to baby me but I needed to fix a few things. He needed me to have a plan by Sunday and pulling me out of the store could be a consequence. I had a minor panic attack at that.

On Saturday I got to work at 2pm and we sat in the office and talked. He and my HR manager want me to get counselling. I also need to eat. I need to show improvement in my attitude (ex energy levels as he says my attitude is far better when I do eat. He claims he can see a switch when I don't eat as things start to go downhill) and in my work.

I agreed. Can't really do much else.

He was nicer. Halfway through the day, instead of hounding me and making public comments he mimed eating. I had a few bites in the office of my lunch and did some work, he consistently coached me to eat a bit more, bites at a time. It didn't feel like too much work at that point.

I talked to my HR manager and she's insisting I get councelling, which I don't want. Again I said I would. I will. I'll go to one, then never again.

What's next? I have no fucking clue.

I'm paranoid that they'll pull me out of the store. They (as a company) don't do any of that stuff on friday, saturday or sunday, same with firing people, so I'm terrified for monday and tuesday. I know the district boss is out of town on monday so now I'm all wired up for tuesday.

And I don't mean I"m a little worried. I'm PARANOID!!! I'm at the point that I bet it will show at work how stressed I am. I have to eat now. I need this job. I worked so hard for this new store too that I can't throw it away. If they move me I'll lose it. I don't know what I'd do.

I don't know what to do now. i have to pretend that everything is perfect. I have to keep my job. I can't overeat, I need control. It's not even about a number on the scale anymore, it's just about the control.

That's my last week...

I hope I've fixed the commenting thing. I guess I'll find out as soon as I try to post this thing.

Oh, and as an added bonus I lost 7lbs this week....

Edit: Still can't post properly. :(