Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggh

So..... Up a bit late, but still on time. Went to get gas and had a good laugh driving down the road and having to brake for 4 deer crossing the road at the pedestrian crosswalk in the dawn light. Pity I didn't have the camera ready. Loaded up the car, my Dad showed up and we left. We got to the big city, unloaded the van and dropped off the U Haul.

By the time he was starving it was 2pm and I still hadn't eaten. I ordered a starter spinach salad (240cals) and dumbass ordered the twist bread also. 2 of those for about 250cals each and I was full enough for a bit. I had to then satisfy my sweet craving so I ate a kit kat, then once home, an Aero bar. I watched my friends kid with 2 diet caffiene free cokes and then had to satify yet another sweet craving. I ended up eating a bunch of chocolate covered ju jubes, 3/4 piece of carrot cake, 1/4 piece of iced chcolate cake and 3/4 of a vanilla slice. If that wasn't bad enough they had the last of the fresh french bread for $1 so I bought a loaf. I probalby ate half of it (minus the crust) but I did do some s&s.

I feel disgusting. I've put on 2lbs since this morning. I really hope it works its way out by morning as I've asked to do measurements. It's kinda fitting. It's our last, or second last session, we will be 3 days shy of 8 months since we started working together and it's the last time I will be measured at the gym... hopefully not forever. It's an early session tomorrow, go till 11am and then home to clean.

Clean, clean clean move, pack shit, get rid of stuff, do a walk out, and get as much of my damage deposit back as possible. I'm going to splurge and get the full body massage, try for friday evening/late afternoon. I can seriously enjoy it, and fully rest after. Also, skip dinner at my parents too. Saturday morning chiro and go yell at the gym.

Food for today? Too fucking much. For tomorrow? As little as physically possible. I will have my post gym protein ( yogurt) and go nuts cleaning. I'm full from my binge, so hopefully I can go all day/night with minimal food. Perhaps some prunes? Toss out what I can, and pack the rest. See if I can pretty much go sans mange from tonight until Sunday, I should be able to get a few pounds gone.

Ugh, if only I hadn't binged. I must gain back control.

And WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE EDITING!!! I'm FED THE FUCK UP of editing my posts so they're not one big run on sentence. See if third time is a charm?

Almost Done

I'm almost done packing. There's some shit that still needs to be packed but it will have to wait for morning. I'm exhausted.

Despite the fact that I've eaten almost nothing today, I think I'm still around 600 cals, but probably burned that much at the gym. Elliptical for 25min, 15 min on the spin bike, and a ton of arms exercises with my trainer. I ate strawberries with nutella (4 of them) and some prunes. I had some apricots when my Dad showed up to help me pack up the trailer, and some chips and salsa at the end of it all with a glass of wine.

I'm hoping for 144 by morning. Just tea, water and vitamin water for as long as I can in the morning, I'll tell my Dad I ate early. He's all excited as it will be a free lunch for him but I'm worried about eating lunch. I'd rather not. I'll probably just have a salad and skip dinner.

Hoping that I'm watching my friends kid tomorrow night and can avoid dinner also. The gym was awesome as usual, but wierd. I know he's almost done and I need the preparation for while I'm on my own but I don't like it. I want things to be back to normal again.... They will, just a new normal. As long as he's still my trainer I'll be ok.

I have to go to bed. Got to be up in just over 5 hours....

Beginnings

I've discovered I love to blog. I really love taking time each day to write a bit about what's in my head, what I'm doing, what my plans are. Most of my thoughts are revolving around a few things but I will strive to ensure I put something personal and about my day in each entry.

Who am I? I am a Green Day fan, guitar player, once upon a time writer, ex cyclist, gym enthusiast, punk with a shaved head, lover of nature, fiercly independant and slightly fucked up. I wouldn't be sitting here at 146lbs thinking I'm FAT if I wasn't slightly fucked up.

So there we have it. I used to smoke, still enjoy 'partaking', and know what it takes to drop 50lbs. I also know what it will take to drop more. What are my goals? I don't know. Right now, I just want to get under 140, get down to 135 as I've been trying for months to do so. Then, who knows. I'd like to see 125, maybe 119.... then see what I think. I'd like to hit 125 by July. That gives me 4 months to lose 20lbs, 5lbs a month should be doable (I say that and I've done nothing but bounce around the same damn 10lbs the past 3 months....)

I move in 2 days. I'm not organized enough for this. Tomorrow I need to organize for storage, finish packing all my shit, and pick up the uHaul. In all of that I have to hit the bank, perhaps get more boxes, get rid of the chair and desk (stupid people aren't getting back to me.) and head to the gym.

In 4 days I will turn my life upside down, and for someone that hates change, it's a pretty terrifying thing. I will move out of my place of the last almost 4 years, move to a new city, lose my gym and my trainer, lose my friends and start anew. I'm excited at the same time. It's time to start again. I will continue at the 'new' gym, take the classes I've come to love. I will be able to continue to train on my own and push myself to new limits. I will be living with a friend, then moving into another lady's house were I will be able to control what I eat with more ease. I will be able to save a ton of money and pay down debt.

Today.... I managed to eat almost nothing until after the gym where I ate some of last nights leftover salmon, broccoli and 3 bites of brown rice. I probably would have stopped there but a friend took me out to see a movie (Kings Speah, was AWESOME!) so I ate popcorn, M&M peanuts and Sweedish Berries, drowning them all in a diet Pepsi. Workout was ok, but it felt like we ran through everything really quickly. Tomorrow I plan to again eat nothing until post workout and then still just a yogurt and maybe some strawberries before they go bad. Perhaps some soup?

We shall see what tomorrow brings, but I hope for no snow. Surely it's time for spring now!!!

Dearly beloved are you listening?

I can't remember a word that you were saying.

Are we demented or am I disturbed?

The space that's in between insane and insecure.

-Jesus Of Suburbia, Green Day