Day (or two) after

Friday was crazy. I had my best friend of 10 years tell me she thinks she's gay (not that I have a problem, more like it was an insane bomb to drop. She's married with a kid..... I don't eve know how to help her) and then I go into Friday.

The car's got issues. Brakes fixed but the clutch needs replacing... Bye bye bonus.... again.

Then I go for coffee with my old old boss and she spends the entire time going on and on about a job offer she'd had that disappeared and she thinks that there's some inside issues going on, companies talking to each other... It's hard. I want to believe the best but I can't.

Then I go to meet Shane at his new gym. I go in, pay my fee and then Shane pulls me into his office. He asks me what's going on and I have no idea what he's on about. I don't even remember how he started but he goes on about my mentions of eating too much junk, then comments about wanting to throw up followed by days of super low calories. He says point blank, that it sounds like I have an eating disorder.

I almost bawled my eyes out. I didn't tell him everything by a long shot. I told him I'm not happy with me and I hate food. He's told me to start eating all my calories, to work up to 1200 calories per day and to avoid the garbage food and not have it in the house or anywhere near. He says this alone will help with the binging (anything at this point to help with the binging!).

We worked out after but I'm shaken. I don't like that he knows this much. I was hoping that I could be thinner by then. I've still got a good 25lbs to go and aiming for March to be there (about 6lbs a month.... considering I've got a goal of 8 this month I should be able to hit it). I'm going to start eating a bit more to try to curb the binges. Once that is in control I can start cutting back again and I'll deal with him as I get to that point.

Today we had Thanksgiving dinner. I ate, but certainly not as much as I did last year. I don't feel like barfing from being physically too full. Went for a walk after dinner, hoping to go for a run tomorrow ( I need more cool weather running stuffs! I only have t shirts and 3C weather is too cold!).

I hit the 1 week goal of being 150 by 1lb. Next weekend is 148 and hopefully I can be there by tuesday or wednesday. Keep ahead of the game as I know how badly this can jump up.

Thank you all for your comments :) I missed you too, and I miss PT.  I haven't been back since THIN started up so I don't know who is still on there. Let them know I still think of them and I say hi. ONce I have an antivirus back (mine expired yesterday) I'll try to stop by.