Help!

I don't know what to do anymore.

I got on the scale this morning and I'm 149.9.... my BMI is right on the cusp of being FAT.

This was supposed to help! I've scaled back my eating, skipped both breakfast and dinner almost every day and it's all for nothing.

I went to Zumba, got there late, jumped around in the back. Didn't have the energy or will to do too much more. Hit up Walmart, grabbed chocolate raisins to binge, walked out with shoes instead. Went to Sharens place to check on the cats and grab some of my stuff, hit up Starbucks for a coffee and came home.

Where I proceded to bawl my eyes out and have a nap on my bed. I finally showered at 3pm. It's now 4pm and I/ve only had half a protein shake for 55cals.

I'm lost. I'm frustrated. I don't know what to do.

I am not happy at the weight I am. I will not be happy until I get well below 140. I just can't seem to get there. I either starve (like I"m doing now) eat a tiny bit and waste calories on junk, or eat normal and gain.

I've got to go back to the gym regularly. Even if it's only Zumba for an hour it's still something.

After that I can't figure out the food part. Do I eat? Do I starve? Maybe if I just starved for this entire week, had a 'normal' day, then did the same the week after. If I saw a significant result maybe it'll kick start things.

I dont' know anymore. I'm miserable (and really cold!). I'm hungry for anything right now. Even steamed veggies but I'd have to go buy them and that could end badly.

Ugh.... I disgust myself.