Furious

My other blog (my 'real' one) just had a miserable comment left on it. Basically told me to go 'fix' myself. Really? Are you that small minded that you missed the blatant screwed up posts about not eating for several days and not wanting to and assume that my only need is for attention? I'm so happy that you are so secure in your life that you feel the need to put people down like that.

I'm livid. I'm so fed up of the complete lack of understanding, or even at this point, comprehension. Do you have any idea what it's like to stare at a plate of food and know that you can not possibly eat it. Your comments (and I use the 'your' in a very lose way) do nothing but show off your inability to process or comprehend empathy, or any emotion other than your own.

I'm fed up of people (aka my boss) at work automatically assuming that every time I have a problem it's because of food. Not the people I work with don't do their own work, or take responsibility for their own actions, no it can only be because I haven't eaten (despite the fact that often I can). It's the 'have you eaten' question I get when I become frustrated.

I'm fed up of people saying all I need is a hamburger. Yeah, coz FOOD will fix the problem I have with FOOD. I'll eat the hamburger, and if I don't throw it up, I'll not eat dinner to make up for it, and maybe nothing the day after either.

Oh, wait, you see me eating chocolate. Means everything is right in the world? Nope, means I'm probably mid or beginning a binge (chocolate always starts it) and you are unfortunate to witness it, or I'm fortunate enough that you disturbed me and I can stop.

How about all the comments you (the collective 'you') make about how fat so and so is, or how gorgeous so and so looks coz they're wearing those tight pants. Then whip around and tell me that it's not size that matters. Yeah, i'm not a toothpick, I don't even consider myself skinny. I don't even think i have an eating disorder because of that, but I recognize I have issues with food.

Do you know what it's like to look in a mirror and despite losing a ton of weight last year, only seeing fat huge me looking back? What its' like to hate how you look so badly that not only do you not eat in the hopes of losing a few pounds, if you're lucky, half an inch somewhere, you exercise like mad and exclude yourself from family and friend outings/gatherings just to avoid the food issue.

No? Didn't think so. Go crawl back under the rock you were hiding under.