Started with a friend 4 weeks ago today. I was 154.2, highest I'd been since September or so. I hit 146 this morning thanks mostly to my fast. 8.2lbs loss. I also did measurements (which was really hard to not do during the 4 weeks). Most significant, I lost 1.25inches on my hips. Everything else I lost, but nothing over .75 inch after that. I'm pleased, but not. I'm happy I'm down, but not happy that i"m not down enough. It's stupid really.
I went back and looked at some of the numbers from Nov from my measurements and I'm smaller than I was then. I believe that the scales I were using back at home were wrong completely. I never did get under 140 if that was the case, maybe the lowest barey touching 140.0.
I also looked back on the last few months. I was 155 a the beginning of September. I spent most of Sept and Oct bouncing around 145-154, and then only the latter part of Dec did I get down to 142 or so.
Theoreticaly, I could drop another 8lbs this month. A mere 2lbs a week, the 'healthy' amount. That would put me at 138, the lowest I would have been.
I binged today. I ended my fast at 11am with 3 chocolate bars. I followed with a satsuma, half an apple and a salad (my salad of lettuce and 5cal dessing). Then around 4pm, my stomach growling loudly, I ate another chocolate bar. I would have kept going, but something kept me back, barely. I got home, ate the rest of the Hershey bar I had and a bunch of mini licorice allsorts. I just kept eating, then I contemplated how good pizza would taste. I loaded up the computer, did everything right to the end to order pizza then stopped and closed the tab in IE. I can't afford it. My stomach doesn't need it.
I ate steamed veggies for dinner with more chocolate and rice cakes. Last time I looked I was 148.5lbs. Hoping I get back to 147 by morning.
Next weigh in/measurements is in 4 weeks. June 20th. I'm wanting 140.0, and damn I better get it. I've had my binge and I will be removed from stupid candy for a while.
Stupid things coming up:
This week there's nothing really. No dinners, no lunches, no trips etc. I think I'll try for another total fast day on Sunday, minus the stupid binge on Monday (which I won't be working... so if I"m good I'll have a booster juice ).
June 5th is the Church's pancake breakfast. I'll support the church, pay my $5, eat a pancake or two and then call it quits. Perhaps I'll fast the day before? Or try to as it's interview day for work. Either way I won't eat anything other than pancakes that day.
The next weekend I think is the ladies tea, again for church. I was hoping to go home this weekend, but it may have to be put off. Again, eat breakfast that day, nothing else.
I've got a supply of raisins, allsorts and some chocolate covered caramel balls in the fridge. This should prevent the stupid 'lets go to stupidstore and buy a bunch of shit food and try to eat it all before I get home' issues. This way I actually have to come home and eat them, and hopefully it will help with portion control. Especially as the caramel ones are refrigerated so takes me longer to eat one. I've also got some almonds for my 'good' days. Otherwise it's go light on dairy, drink loads of tea (going to go get some green tea this weekend and I have those capsules coming), water, diet soda, coffee etc. I'll eat my salads, loads of fruit, go sparingly on bread and pasta, and will eat sparingly of meat. I've still got loads of soups so there's ideas for meals. I'm hoping to phase dinner out. Eat lunch only, then after the gym have a snack of a banana and rice cake or something.
I dunno, we'll see what happens.
Always with the damn plans.
Tonight/tomorrow I'm sitting down with a plan for money. What I have to pay off, in what order, and what I would like to buy. There's some things on there like hiking boots I will have to buy this weekend so I can start wearing them in, also new black pants for work.
On the Facebook thing... I got fed up of the bull shit, mine and others. I went back through several months of posts and deleted almost everything. Was there really a need to keep most of that shit? Not really. There were some awesome comments on there that I chucked because I really don't need them. I deleted all the 365 links. I got rid of almost everything up till mid November (mostly coz I just didn't feel like going back any further.... there was a LOT of stuff to delete....)
I'm kinda sad and it's depressing that I'm sad about this. No one has posted anything other than someone posting a cityville thing. Is that how my life and relationships are based now? By who sends me energy in a fucking game? What about my friends? Ones I used to talk to all the time, see every week, go for lunches with, hang out with? Or new friends, ones that I have gotten to know thru facebook (but know personally too... as in friendships that have begun by adding each other to our 'friends' list).
I haven't decided but I think I may just leave FB until I get to 140.0lbs. Then post a picture... or not. I kinda want to go back home and maybe shock a few people. See how skinny i can get in that time.
I'll see how long that lasts....
1 comment:
I hate facebook. None of my so called friends talk to me either. The only ones who would have my phone number and can call or text me. But none of them ever call or text. You can't actually delete your facebook. You can deactivate it, but you can reactivate it at any time. Any way, if you want to fast, make sure you only have healthy foods to binge on when you are done fasting. Make sure there's only fruits and veggies and try to make it so your money is hard to get to so you are less likely to spend it. Put it in a savings account at a bank and end the fast when the bank is closed so you can't go get chocolate and other binge foods. Or end you fast by drinking a very large cup of green tea (like 3 cups worth) so that there isn't much room for food. I've had times when I think "I want to binge. I could binge and purge because no one's home so no one would know" and I just don't know if I should or not so I make a large cup of tea and drink it while thinking. It fills up my stomach so that I can't binge like I had planned because I'm too full. I might eat a very small amount of whatever food I was craving but then I only consume like 10% or less of the calories I had originally wanted. Stay strong.
Post a Comment