Mission

I'm on a mission,

I made my decsion,

On a path of self-destruction.

- Geek Stink Breath

I can't weigh myself accuratly and it's going to fucking kill me. Today I had 3 numbers... 144.4 (good!) 146.4 (baaaad) and 147.1 (faaaaaaaaack). All on the same scale on the same damn spot done several times in the morning. I don't know which one to go with, but I may as well record it... If I take the highest number it will hopefully motivate me to drop more. However, I will step on the scale after my workout tomorrow at the gym and use their scales. If anything, that should be the most accurate. Maybe I will do that once a week and use that as an official number?

I woke up late, as in 10am late. Holy shit, latest I've slept in months!!! Got up, showered and made tea then headed to my friends parents to help them unload a U Haul trailer except it was pretty much done by the time I got there. Then they served lunch. I managed one sandwich with bread (2 slices at 60cal each) a bit of tuna (I guesstimated around 50 cals as it certainly wasn't half a can that I had) with some mustard and a tiny barely there spreading of calorie wise miracle whip. 7 pickle slices for a total of 30 cals and water. I figured I was around 250 cals. I skipped the girl guide cookie for desert.

Back at the house I managed to avoid yet another cookie serving and headed out to chat with the lady I will be living with next month. Back in time for their dinner which was some kind of casserole made with hamburger meat, tomato soup, pasta, mushrooms and I'm not sure but there may have been cheese involved. She had some veggies too, but they were cooked in a frying pan. I ate mostly veggies but had some casserole and then she served me pudding for desert.... I felt so sick after that. I managed just to have water, crystal lite and tea for the evening until just now. As in I started writing this having eaten nothing since 7pm, and now It's 10:20pm and I just ate 5 cookies and a piece of bread. I'm still fighting the urge to go eat more....

I'm going to be a fucking whale tomorrow.

IF is back on tomorrow. I won't eat until at least 2pm (3 if I can handle it) and then I will only take salad and yogurt so around 100 cals for food. Tea, crystal light, vitamin water and water will be the order of the day. I'm also going to have one of my new Lipo-6 pills around 2 or 3. It won't be as good as the ones my trainer gave me, so I should have a pleasant buzz from the caffiene by the time I hit the gym.

Plan tomorrow is to do a very light warmup on an elliptical or treadmill ( I get off work at 5pm, class starts at 6pm) do the Zumba class, then spend at least one hour doing day one of my training (I can't remember what day it is... arms? Legs? It should be legs really giving me enough time to recover for Wednesday.) head home and eat soup or steamed veggies. Idea is to have less than 500 cals and do a hardcore workout.

I need to drop the weight. I need to stop the binging. I need to stop the senseless bullshit. I need to control my intake. My mission for April is to get to 140. I will do this by eating VERY little monday thru friday, then avoiding as much as possible on Saturday and then eating with the family on Sundays but light light portions. I'll probably go with Sunday as a 'treat' day as that's when I will be tempted mostly.

Bring it on.....