Pizza

Fucked up day today. Woke up late, took a mug of tea shopping. Ate salad and fruit for lunch around 1230pm then headed to the condo I'll be living in soon. I was hoping to do a bunch of cleaning and organizing but she left a ton of stuff in 'my' room so I couldn't. I hung out with my cats, started reading 'Neon Angel' and did laundry after doing some vacuuming and dusting.

After much debating I did hit the gym but barely got an hour in before they closed. If only the dryer hadn't taken so fucking long!!!! Bah! Jumped on the elliptical for 10min then did shoulder/chest workout on the weights.

On the way home I ate 2 kids size ice creme cups from Marble Slab (meh and YUM!). Once home I had 2 pieces of pizza, 1 piece of bread and butter and a bowl of steamed broccoli and brussel sprouts.

And 2 laxatives.

I'm kinda scared. I feel so gross from the last few days and I'm hoping this will help. TMI but I'm pretty backed up, or at least that's how I feel. This stuff will only help the already digested food so the pizza and veggies will be stuck in there but at least it will 'clean' the rest out. Depending on how well it works I may have 2 more tomorrow to clean me out totally.

I'm kinda scared. Will I get horrible cramping? How long will it take? It said to take 1-2 before bedtime. I took them just over an hour ago. It said 6-12hrs... in 12 hrs I'll be finishing Church so I really hope it's over with by then! I'm anticipating dehydration and lower electrolytes. Water first thing in the morning, vitamin water right after, and a tea for church.

I read an article today about startavtion mode and metabolic damage. I totally think I'm flirting with the damage part. Also I'm cutting back too much too often. I need to amend that and figure shit out. 140 by the end of April isn't too bad a goal (Ignoring the fact I was 149.7 this morning... I'm 151.2 right now as I head to bed... I'm desperatly hoping for 148 or less by the time 'this' is all over, and hoping for 147 by Monday morning). I think I need to aim for around 800-1000 cals on hard core workout days, and 500-600 on non workout days, with one day being a higher day of 1000 without a workout. I need to be smart about it so cutting sugars, watching carbs, eating veggies etc but allowing the treat.

I just am so fed up of bouncing upwards. I just want to be skinny. I want to be musclular. Most of all I want my bones to show, I want to fit into smaller clothes.

Tomorrow up and shower for church. Before I was thinking on only having water, vitamin water and tea as I'm hoping for 'something' to happen. After church I'll probably have one of the treats they have out and will head to the new place to do another load of washing and some more cleaning. Hit up the gym on the way home. For food I'm not sure but I will need something before I go to the gym. I may grab a salad at a grocery store on my way to her house and eat it there. Or something. I'm also planning on having 2 of the Lipo 6 pills tomorrow, one when I get to her house, the other when I leave.

Need a huge workout. Do lots of cardio and it's another day of arms. Make up for today's lousy effort. Monday will be legs and Zumba, Tuesday legs again.

I have to be 145 or less by Friday. That's my goal for right now. My poor willpower needs to kick in again and remember what it's there for.

Here's hoping that my 'assistance' works tonight :)