can I keep failing?
I didn't exactly binge today, but I did yesterday. I also attempted to get rid of it but I couldn't get most of it out. I still ate a lot of garbage food today (and will probably eat a bunch more cookies before bed too....)
I also took some laxatives about 2 hours ago.
Once again tomorrow I start again. I can't wait for my stomach to go flat again.
I almost cried in my muscle pump class I felt so disgusting, and I couldn't get into the Zumba as I could imagine all my fat flopping around.
I do not want bulimia. I don't want that cycle. I don't want binge eating disorder. I don't want to be fat. Garbage food must be my enemy. If it doesn't carry a good nutritional value with low calories and carbs then it's no use. I need to hit ketosis. I can do it over the weekend and keep it going. I have my saturday planned out so I won't need to eat with anyone. I could literally starve all day AND work out with 'S'.
Tomorrow is tea, coffee, water, water, water, salad, yogurt, cottage cheese, and hitting the gym. No shit food. No candy, no chocolate. I'll hit the gym, put in around 2 hours and go home. Sleep, need sleep, and eggs for dinner (coz they expire tomorrow so I need to at least attempt to use a few). If needed, more laxatives tomorrow after the gym just to be sure I'm 'cleaned out' as that's mostly my starting issue.
I'm not going to hit 142 by the weekend, but I have to be under 145 and a flatter stomach.
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